Unfortunately, she was mistaken. Lots of the other oddities of the phone were frustrating but I'd have put up with them, but the inability to sync with my laptop was a dealbreaker. Happily, today's rep was able to find me another E815, and was even able to convince someone to let her waive the $20 reshipment fee, since last week's rep had (I'm sure inadvertently) given me incorrect info. She really went to bat for me, and had to put me on hold a few times to get help from other departments. When she was done, I asked to talk to her supervisor, and let him know what a great job she did, and how helpful and friendly she was. He seemed surprised. I guess they mostly get whiny complaints.
Since Thursday, I've certainly gotten used to how the LG works, but there were still things that drove me nuts about it, such as not switching from vibrate to audible alerts when plugged in, or only vibrating once for messages even if you never noticed the first alert. I'm sure some of my issues with it could just be chalked up to the fact that it was my first-ever non-Motorola cell phone! (I'm not counting the iPhone, which I don't really use as a phone, and isn't mine anyway.)
The E815 isn't perfect, and I'm sure I'll eventually have problems again with its screwy charging connector, but it's familiar and it does what I need. I'll be glad to get it tomorrow.