Tequila Matt came to The McKraken and lamented, "One year ago, I purchased $1,000 of AIG stock. Now it is only worth $42. what am I to do?"
Browncoat Jim also approached the great and mighty McKraken, saying sorrowfully, "The $1,000 I invested in Lehman a year ago is only worth $6.60 today."
Prometheus Wayne rounded out the worried trio who sought the infinite wisdom of The McKraken, speaking mournfully, "My $1,000 with Fannie Mae from last year is now worth less than $5."
The three looked to the awesomeness that is The McKraken and asked in unision, "Tell us, oh awesome one, what are we to do?"
The Might McKraken contemplated for a moment. Then, he smiled an ever so sly smile. He spoketh in a booming voice, "You silly mortals. Had you purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of it, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214. The best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle."
The three men considered this advice and began to nod as enlightenment creeped into their feeble minds. "Thank you for your wisdom, oh mighty McKraken," they chanted. "We shall spread your word far and wide, but what shall we call this new pillar of the holy doctrine of McKrakenism?"
"I call it," his awesomeness bellowed, "the 401-Keg....."