Mark (mhaithaca) wrote,

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Entertainment from my cousin Jill...

1. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

2. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

3. Men are very confident people.  My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

4. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

5. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

6. Men are sensitive in strange ways.  If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

7. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

8. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

9. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

10.  No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

11.  Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

12.  Men hate to lose.  I once beat my husband at tennis.  I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not  with each other."

13.  Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you . . . I want to marry you . . . I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

14.  Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause - you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

15.  Men forget everything; women remember everything.  That's why men need instant replays in sports.  They've already forgotten what happened.

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